im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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