Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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