Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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