I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
