omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
