I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
