The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
