So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
