Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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