Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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