then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
