i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
