Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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