I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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