do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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