We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
