How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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