I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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