Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
