Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
