I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
