I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
