I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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