Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
