I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
