dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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