A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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