I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
