I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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