the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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