dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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