i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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