so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
