so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
