You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
