we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
