Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
