after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
