she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
