Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
