the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
