He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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