Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
