Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
