Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
