All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
