I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
