just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
