My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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