so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
40s are totally the cure
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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