just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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